I was reading something this morning and realized parts of it could disgustingly (and jokingly) apply to The Attic of Love™ so I decided to edit it slightly.
Allow me, with your kind permission, to present to you my pièce de résistance. I must warn you, as one of the select few to have ever witnessed it, you may find it difficult to maintain your composure. A sight such as this is not to be viewed lightly. Steel yourself, for it will be overwhelming. Behold my Transformer collection in all its glory!
Amazing, is it not? I can see that you are both confused and astonished. Take it all in before I continue. When you have quite gathered yourself, I will proceed.
What you see before you are over 1860 transformers, arranged from left to right in chronological order in which they were made, shittily displayed on extremely cheap plastic and fake wood shelves. Each era has its own place and is displayed with the largest figures to the rear which gives each piece the proper amount of space to be admired for both its individuality and its place in a grander scheme.
Ah, I see your eyes are drawn to my newest piece. Not surprising. I happened upon this 2007 Wonderfest Binaltech Black Convoy at an online store in Hong Kong. An important find, yes, but I would never have purchased it if it didn't complement the collection as a whole. Its beautiful clear packaging and extremely heavy die-cast metal body serves as a stark counterpoint to the plastic and crappy Hasbro Nemesis Prime that sits beside it. Realize that you, too, are merely mortal.
My favorite piece—and I say this knowing that it won't surprise you—is the Lucky Draw Black Fire Convoy. I paid a hefty sum for it on Ebay, and when I finally had it in my hands, I let out a sigh that seemed to echo the full weight of humanity. Its beauty is stunning.
When I began this collection, I was 31, barely an adult male, ignorant of my destiny as curator of one of the greatest collections of Transformers ever assembled. I realized long ago that I am not so much its owner as its steward, maintaining it so it may be passed on to future generations.
My first Transformer is the one back over there behind the Fortress Maximus called Lightspeed. No. not the big one. Just the "leg" of that smaller one there.. Notice how he's not only a robot, but he's also a car and a leg!!!
Remember your youth? Your innocence? Could it be we were ever so naïve, regarding our Transformers as nothing more than objects to be played with and thrown away upon adulthood? Do not fear to touch it, for to touch it is to feel its beauty. Go on, allow yourself to be humbled in its presence.
Look further. The missing small yellow clips of that otherwise exquisitely awesome Omega Supreme proves that, no matter what, true perfection is not easily unattainable.
That framed drawing on the far left? That's a cel from Transformers: The Movie. That was a gift I received.
And those ink and color washes of Megatron and Optimus Prime? That was a present from Giga, because I am a pretty big fan of extremely unusual and rare TF shit.
I sense that you are starting to understand the enormity of what stands before you. What you are experiencing right now is an onslaught of universal truths words cannot describe. I know that profound and inexplicable sensation well. Indeed, I feel it every day. The soul quakes a little at the sight of the sublime. We are, after all, only human.
Oh, but how I ramble on. The collection is best appreciated in silent contemplation. I am going to leave you alone now. Don't be afraid. This is a safe place. If it all becomes too much, draw strength from the collection's anchor: Beast Wars Neo Stampy. A constant companion on the rockiest of life's winding roads,he has guided me through many a tough time, and no doubt he will again.
Yes, no doubt he will again.