From a movie review (sort of) from Ain't It Cool News...
Well when the lights went down everybody just about shit their pants. You could tell everyone was loving it except for some of the girls. I don't want to be "politically incorrect" but this movie is not for cunts or fairies. It's for REAL MEN so it's about cars, exploding, punching, Michael Bay's gorgeous sunsets, the friendship between Tyrese and Josh Duhamel, etc. Like 300, you'd have to be gay not to get hard from this movie...
Shia Lebouf is not that bad, if you liked Disturbia you will like him. Although the one character I liked was Megan Fox, TOTALLY HOT. I was like "I would jizz all over that!" and everybody agreed that I totally would. When Optimus transformed himself in front of Shia in the alley everybody in the theater just started high fiving each other, even complete strangers. I'm not exaggerating, my hands were sore before it even got to the fight in the city. TOTAL GEEKGASM.
I don't know.
I though it was funny.
Wow. I learned everything I needed to know about the reviewer with the lines:
"The robots and transforming is obviously for the adults but it's over the head of a lot of the kids so they have the little Jar Jar character for them, or for the women who go." (which is so awesome I can't even begin to process it)
and
"The best movie I've seen since Crank"
Here's an even more better quote from AICN:
Not every movie has to be "good" or have "brains" or "heart" or "soul" or "make sense" or "tell a good story."
What continues to confuse me is, why exactly do people continue to visit AICN, and more importantly, how could they sully the good name of Crank like that?
CRANK IS AWESOME!!!!11!
No, seriously, Crank was awesome. I'm not saying that like I always say that: I really enjoyed the hell out of Crank.
BTW, have you seen the latest addition of Wired? We just got it in the mail yesterday. Their article on Transformers made me cry.
People read AICN? The only reason I give half a metric fuck about that site is I know a guy who's a reviewer there. Other than that, why would I want the opinion of a bunch of fat fucking beardoes?
-hx, I can get that pretty much anywhere on the internet. It's like pictures of vaginas.
That review and the readers' comments associated with it provided me with more hours of LOL entertainment than the actual movie probably will.
I think it was probably written as a big F-U to the site and its readership. It's the perfect parody of every other review I've read there.
That bit about reaching for his popcorn was too much. Great stuff. And here I was thinking I was gonna hold up until I heard Roeper and his guest of the week weigh in on the proceedings. Not anymore. I'm shooting for opening night now, autobot shirt on, and popcorn money in hand.
The TF movie hype is in full swing and building ... while I don't have high expectations for the movie, I am sure that I'll enjoy the 2 hours watching it for what it is: a summer popcorn Bay explosion & FX-fest, slow-mo, MTV-style editing action flick.
:)
And I am enjoying the new crack movie fixes ...
Folks:
That review was an awesome work of literary genius. If it wasn't satire, then it's a perfect job of self-satire. Here is my favorite bit:
"Like all of Michael Bay's movies you can tell there is action going on by how things are moving on screen."
:D
Cordially yours:
Autobus Prime
w/minicon Farebox.